Trying my best to get back to it

This morning I had gotten an email on Facebook from a lady I dont know. But in the email she asked what leg exercises I do because my legs look great. It feels nice to know my 2.5 years of hard work has paid off and you can physically SEE that I am fit.

But lately, the past 13 weeks to be exact, I have hit the treadmill MAYBE 3 times. I don't really remember.

For a normal person this might be acceptable. However, for myself it is NOT acceptable. I work very hard and discipline myself to eat very healthy. But, again, for the past 13 weeks I have not. Food is just gross to me at most times (although this happens less now) and I just eat whatever I can stand the thought or taste of. Getting out of bed is usually ( also getting better ) a struggle so even glancing at my ex best friend Mr. treadmill in the morning is disgusting.

I miss my daily morning 3 mile runs. I miss them terrible and I feel so awful about myself. I know most of you are thinking I shouldn't beat myself up over this, but I am. I am and I do. My healthy eating and running is my lifestyle. Its what I do. And to not be on that track is really HARD. Really hard.

So this morning I thought enough is enough. I am 13 weeks pregnant and both baby and I are healthy. No more being afraid to take charge of that treadmill.

Now I wont be running 3 miles a day but I most definitely can at least do 30 minutes a day 5 days a week, at the least.

I do not want to be the pregnant lady who gained a massive amount of weight. I want to just have a nice big round belly, still be healthy and still be physically fit. After the birth I want to still look toned, and in shape and be able to catch up to my 3 miles pretty easily. I want this and I need this.

So folks, as of this morning I started. I did 1.81 miles in 30 minutes which was walking 3.6 and a few minutes of light jogging at 4.4 mph. This is way slow for me, but I cant push it. I normally can do a 9 minute mile!

After my run I stepped on the scale. I was holding my breath! But since my last weigh in at 11 weeks, I was still the same. Considering that was 2 weeks ago and the not so great way I been eating, and the fact that this was AFTER eating breakfast....this is GREAT! Im still with clothes on, after drinking a lot from my walk, and after breakfast, I'm still only up 7 pounds. From 117 to 125. This is great motivation for me to start and keep at it!

And I did a belly shot of the day. 13 weeks 3 days.

Cow!

Man, I feel like such a cow!

I cant wait to get over this phase of feeling so bloated heavy and lazy...Im NOT complaining but Im ready for some energy back, please and thank you.

Yesterday's free ultrasound

So yesterday was the free ultrasound that I scored by accepting the invite to volunteer at a 3D Ultrasound place that is not yet open for business.

We (my best friend and I) watched the baby for about 10 minutes on a big 100" screen on the wall.

We watched the baby jumping all over the place. It was amazing.

The ultrasound tech also pointed out she was pretty sure of the gender...of course not 100% this early but we have an idea.

And no, I'm not telling you.

We did get 3 pictures printed. They aren't good quality because they are pictures of the pictures from my cell phone. I'm not sure where the pictures are...must have left them at friends house so I cant scan them.

Our actual gender scan is in a week and 2 days. Then we will do a family photo revealing the gender. And then you can all know.

This is me yesterday morning. I thought my clothes didnt fit a week ago. Yesterday was terrible. I broke out the maternity jeans. And man those things are comfy. Then ended up at Ross for a few nice tops.

Gender reveal photo ideas WANTED!

So, our gender scan is coming up real soon. 1 week, 3 days to be exact.

I been googling and pinterest'ing some fun ways to announce our gender through a family photo, but nothing shouts I'M THE ONE.

Please give me some ideas!!

Our first 3d scan is this morning. Of course I will ask to see if they can tell of anything but I think its a little early yet. Worth a try! And since Nick isnt home yet I wont be able to tell you anyways :)

Radiology ultrasound

Yesterday was the ultrasound at the radiology clinic. The sonographer wasn't allowed to tell me what she saw of give me details on measurements or anything. I have to wait a couple days for my midwife to call me back with the sonographer's findings. But, as far as I could tell everything looked perfect. A little concern is that I could see on the screen that she measured the baby as 11 weeks 5 days when I should have been 12 weeks 1 day. But I'm keeping in mind the midwife at my last appointment couldn't get a super accurate measurement either and was measuring the baby 5 days too big. Yesterday though, the baby was moving around so much and would NOT stay still for more than 3 seconds it seemed so measurements were trickey. She had a hard time tracking heartbeat too because the baby kept rolling over. We saw the flicker and I can hear the heart beat at home on the doppler so no worries there.

Everything to me looked great. I told her about what a miracle this is and she was kind enough to print a couple pictures for me. They normally aren't supposed to give out pictures.

The top picture is the baby rubbing his/her hand on her face and the bottom is the profile view.

AMAZING.

3 more days until our 3D appointment!

Less than 2 weeks until gender scan!

Belly bigger than boobs

Haha, now the belly sticks out further than the big fake D boobs.

Wow. Just wow.

Tomorrow is the radiology ultrasound. It wont be fun but it will be worth it. I dont know how they think I can drink 32 oz of fluid and not pee for 2 hours. Sorry, not happening.

This morning I was able to schedule my 15 week appointment. Another WOW. I WAS ABLE TO SCHEDULE MY FIFTEEN WEEK PRENATAL APPOINTMENT.

God works in mysterious ways in HIS time. And ONLY HIS time.

Its still hard for me to believe that all this is going to work out and there REALLY is a live baby the size of a prune growing in me.

12 weeks tomorrow and other stuff

Well, what has happened in the last week?

Lots.

First, today we dropped off the Dad at the airport early in the morning. He will be in Colorado for TWO weeks. Lord, how did I ever survive 8 month long deployments? I'm dreading 2 weeks without him home. I hope it goes by fast. There is so much to look forward to within the next 2 weeks that he is gone, that I imagine it will. But it still seems like so long away. Football is on TV right now, I don't watch football but the sounds of it somehow make it feel like he's closer to home. Pregnancy hormones kicking in? The past hour, all I've wanted to do is cry. Him being home with his family is more important then him up in the Colorado mountains training 11,000 feet up in the air, right? Booooo.

Wednesday morning Caden woke up sick. He's been clinging onto a cold or something for a week now. So I picked him up baby cradle style instead of on my hip to carry him downstairs. I was still out of it, him crying woke me up suddenly from a deep sleep and I think I was in zombie mode. I got to the 2nd to last step and thought it was the last. OUCH. I collapsed from pain, rug burned my right knee, twisted my left ankle/foot, held onto Caden's body while his head hit the floor. Good thing we paid the extra 5 grand for the top notch carpet padding underneath. He was fine...I wasn't. I was in PAIN. Couldn't move let alone get up. Kayla went for my cell phone. I called Nick who was almost to base for PT. He turned around, came home and said it looked bad so we dropped of the kids at our friends house and headed to the ER. They wanted me to get an xray, I went back, denied the xray because it just wasn't worth it to me to risk the loss of the baby to xray me. So they sent me back to the doctor who said it looked bad. Looked fractured or brake and an xray was needed. So I went  back crying and they covered me with every lead filled protective thing a mob they had ( 6 all together) and did the xray. It turned out to be just a bad sprain. Of course we worried about the baby even though I hadn't hit my belly on anything. Just landed on my knee pretty hard. Doc said there was no need to check because I had no cramping or bleeding. As soon as we got home we checked with the doppler and I found the heartbeat right away.

Today is Sunday and Im still limping a tad. Ugh.

Also, on top of being exhausted and limping, during this 11th week, I am sick and battling whatever Kayla gave Caden and now Caden has passed onto me. The whole sore throat and stuffy nose, cant breathe, cant taste, no appetite, blowing green thick snot out of my nose, cant stop drinking liquids and still so thirsty, and forget about me doing anymore than one chore a day because the energy is just nonexistent.

Tomorrow we hit the big 12 weeks. Its our last week in the 3rd month. And by some calculations it is the last week in the first trimester, and other calculations there is one more week in the first trimester. Wow. Talk about huge, big, miracle milestone here. I am stunned myself and still can hardly believe there is a baby growing me that is now the size of a plum.

Pictures from this morning, from cell phone so not great.

Now Im the point that any shirt I wear, you can see a belly. There is no hiding it anymore!

2 more days (Tuesday) until the ultrasound at the radiology clinic. Nick wont be home for this but that is OK because no one is allowed in the room with me anyways.

4 days after this appointment (Saturday the 22nd) is my first 3d ultrasound. This is going to be interesting to actually see the baby in 3d! Nick will miss out on this so Im taking my best friend with me along with Kayla and Caden because they actually enjoy seeing and hearing the heartbeat.

A week after that on the 30th Nick will be home.

Tuesday October 2nd, 2 days after he gets home is our 4d Gender Scan appointment at: http://www.vegasbaby4dultrasound.com/

Although we will NOT be announcing gender that day to the public. The gender will remain a big secret from EVERYONE until we get some gender revel photos done of ourselves which will tell the big news.

That weekend, October 5th, we have a weekend road trip planned. I have no idea where we are going. It was originally planned as the Grand Canyon...but Nick has since said he found something better. I cant imagine what could be better than the Grand Canyon! Eventually we will do the Grand Canyon. Its a special place to me that I went with my Great Grandparents when I was 15 years old and its a trip and time with them that I will never forget.

Well, that is about all the news I have. For now. This is quite a bit to keep up with anyways, so I will leave it at this! Until next time!

Photo update

Wow. I didnt see it in the mirror yesterday but Wow. These pictures make me look 6  months along. Wholy Moley.

Bring it on.

                                                          One month prior to conception.

Yesterday.

11 weeks 1 Day pregnant.

PS, the doppler last night didn't work. We couldn't find any heart beat but my own. So we keep trying until we do!

11 weeks 1 day updates and more details

Today was our first actual OB appointment. Of course I was scared. And again I didn't look at the screen until the midwife told me I could. I wasn't scared to the point of crying like last time, but of course all the 'what if's' were there.

The appointment was great. We watched the baby move around so much. This time baby has actual arms and legs that were failing around. The baby was actually measuring bigger at 11 weeks and 5 days and today is only 11 weeks and 1 day. Since the midwife couldn't get what she thought was an accurate enough measurement she sent me to the radiology clinic for a better scan. That is scheduled for Tuesday the 18th. I will have to drink 32 oz of fluid 1.5 hours prior to the appointment and NOT PEE until the radiology tech tells me I can. ( I don't see how this will be possible for me! )Unfortunately Nick will be TDY to Colorado for 2 weeks of training, leaving this Sunday the 15th so he wont be able to be there for it.

We also have our first 3d ultrasound on the 22nd which Nick will also miss out on. But a few days after he gets back we have a gender scan and a 15 week OB appointment.

The midwife pointed out that the baby has big feet ( not from me considering I'm only a size 6! ) and the heart rate is at 153 bpm which according to the  midwives tale indicates a boy. We still have 4 weeks until our 3d gender scan. She also pointed out the umbilical cord and yolk sac which will start to disappear now and be gone by the next couple of weeks.

We talked briefly about weight gain. I started this pregnancy at 117 and the scale at the OB office told me 125. I was in SHOCK. This includes my breakfast and liquids plus my clothing. At home I weigh in before I eat and without clothing so I think about 3 lbs of this was extra weight I wouldn't normally weigh at home. A few days ago my scale said 122. She said it was OK at this point because of how tiny I started out. She said the smaller you start out the more weight you gain in the first trimester but it will begin to even out throughout trimester 2 and 3. I sure hope shes right! She also stated that because of how small I am I could gain up to 35 pounds and be healthy. My goal is only 25 MAX, but we shall see. I eat as healthy as I can but I am to the point I AM HUNGRY almost constantly. I have about 6 small meals a day. And I mean meals...an apple or a banana or a mango (which I am eating a lot of) just doesn't cut it. I need heavy food to fill me up which only lasts about  2 hours and then I'm on the search for more food again. Even at 1 am sometimes I'm in the kitchen eating a sandwich. Its crazy!

Anyhow, here is the picture we got!

Home doppler didn't arrive yesterday. I'm disappointed. The tracking says its out for delivery for today but its 3 pm and it still isn't here. I want my dang doppler already! 

.

11 week picture

11 weeks today

Intelligender results

Totally forgot to post the intellingender results!

BOY!

However, I read a lot of reviews about false positive boy results for some reason. We should know in about 3 weeks or so when I schedule our 3d gender scan.

Today we are 11 weeks. We graduate a lime size baby.

Tomorrow is our first OB appointment at 8 am. Thank God its 8 am. I don't think I wait around all day paitenly. Im nervous. What if we get in there and it all comes crashing down? I know the chances are of that are slim after seeing a healthy heartbeat at 9 weeks but I still cant help but to worry.

Our home doppler should arrive today in the mail. Debating if I should try it today in take the chance of not finding the heartbeat on my own and then freak out.

Or wait until after our appt tomorrow morning then come home and try to find it on my own right away.

Ugh.

1st trimester be gone please. 2 more weeks.

10 weeks stuff and Intelligender test

This post might be pretty random, I'm really tired this morning. But this is 10 week (so far) update.

Today we are 10 weeks 4 days.  2 days ago I woke up feeling that whole "how can this be really working still?" thing that I do what seems to be weekly. Bloating gone and my favorite size 5 jean shorts fit me again. So I took a belly photo. I was 10 weeks 2 days, and I posted it on Face Book.

When I look in the mirror I don't see it. When I look at the picture I see a definite roundness that wasn't there before. But I STILL don't feel anything! I don't FEEL pregnant. Ugh.

So I debated off and on all day and throughout half the night on if I should rent a doppler or not. A friend mailed on to me but that one shouldn't be used until 30 weeks. 

At 1 am when I woke up starved I ordered one from babybeats.com. Its a monthly rental good until I mail the unit back and it works starting 10-12 weeks and by the time it arrives I will be exactly 11 weeks. The very next day is our first OB appointment so I can verify everything is OK then start figuring out how to use the thing.... probably daily until I feel safe or start feeling the baby kicking daily a little later on.

Also yesterday I got in the mail an Intelligender test. I put it in a gift bag for the Dad with some other things and let him open it after work. Im very leery of the test after reading SO many mixed reviews on thing but I thought it would be fun to do anyways. Im not taking the results in any way serious. Just pure fun. And gender scan should be 1st or 2nd week of October so it will fun to see if it was accurate for us or not. 

I did the test this morning with first morning urine but wont post results until the Dada gets home from work to see it. 

So VOTE!

Now to just through today and the weekend. Thank God its Friday. Please bring on the weekend, and Monday when the doppler is supposed to arrive and PLEASE let Tuesday get here FAST. Our first full physical OB exam. So maybe then I can breathe and let myself believe this will all be OK.

Kayla's first day of preschool

Yesterday was Kayla's first day of preschool. She has an afternoon class that is from 1-4. I prefer morning but morning slots were all filled at the time we registered. Kayla is usually tired and a few days a week takes a nap around 1 so I was a little concerned about this time frame.

She had been bugging me all morning to go to school. To take up some time I took her outside for some pictures at our front door.

At 12:30 we leave the house.

 And we arrive at 12:45. 

We go in and there is a table lined up with various things for the parents. Fill out sheets for sign out, write your child's name on a name tag, drop off and pick up instructions, tips for easing separation anxiety, a preschool curriculum list, a sheet with all the classroom areas listed, and supplies for a Letter Link name tag along with an Order of Events for the first day sheet. 

Parents were welcome to stay in class for the first 30 minutes to explore all the class room areas with their child. This was fun. I went around with Kayla and pointed out the different areas, blocks, house, art, science, library, music and movement. She can Caden went straight for the house area and that is where they stayed for all 30 minutes.

When they teacher let us all know that there were 5 minutes left I started getting Kayla ready. Explaining to her for the 100th time I'm sure, that I would have to go and while she was in school I would be next door at the library and then at Target and that when I was done I would come get here. She didn't seem to care.

I was the 2nd to last parent to leave and when I gave her a hug and kiss goodbye she still didn't seem to care! I walked out and she didn't have a care in the world. I got to the main doors and felt like I wanted to cry but told myself just wait until you get to the car, just wait! Caden and I got to the car and by that point I was ok. I was ok knowing she was ok. 

While Kayla was in school, Caden and I went to the library and played and checked out books then headed over to Target for a snack of a large soft pretzel and a diet sunkist.We picked up Kayla a treat of airheads.

We got back to school and were 50 minutes early so we waited in the parking lot reading library books and snacking on candy. About 15 minutes to go I noticed other parents showing up so we went inside, walked around, sat on a bench and waited. As we were waiting we saw the kids walking 2 per hula hoop in a like from the gym to the classroom. As other kids saw their parents waiting for them some started crying. Not Kayla, she was as excited as can be. They went to class to clean up and kids were being released because they were crying. When it was Kayla's turn to come out she started crying BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE!

Yes. Seriously. I couldn't believe it. 

I was a new day for us. A new phase of life for us. Kayla in school. Caden enjoying the library for the first time and nearing the end of our first trimester in pregnancy.

I feel so grown up now.

I have since been over the contents of the curriculum and my concerns are still there. I'm afraid this wont be much of a challenge for Kayla. I'm not kidding when I say she is beyond preschool and kindergarten level. If all else fails though, at least she is developing social skills and independence. I really wanted her to have more of a learning challenge but this is only preschool so I guess those will come.

I just dont feel it

Today is one of those days where I wonder if I really am pregnant. If this really is working. I dont FEEL anything. Sure, last night I had a terrible headache but that could be from anything really.

Supposedly, at 10 weeks 2 days along:

The baby's head is just under half the length of his body. His limbs are still relatively short but the hands and feet can look quite big. Early basic trunk and limb movements are taking place but it's too early to feel them at this stage.

Hormones are influencing your unborn baby's development and the ovaries or testes now begin to form.

A minute genital tube forms the external genitalia but each sex appears the same at this stage. This is not entirely surprising since the phallus is only 0.09 in (2.5 mm) long. Your baby's bladder and rectum have now separated. The kidneys will take some time to fully develop: two buds grow up from the bladder to the tissue that will become the kidneys, one on each side. These so-called uteric buds form the ureters-the tubes that transport urine from the kidney to the bladder. The ureteric bud must successfully fuse with the kidney tissue in the pelvis. As the ureteric buds expands upward, the early kidneys developing in the pelvis will move upward to lie in the abdomen.




But, how can this be when I feel nothing? How can there be a life the size of a prune growing in me when today I am not bloated so I don't look pregnant and I certainly don't feel pregnant. 

This is the time I get weak and feel the need for another ultrasound. I did this 3 times and all 3 times the baby turned out perfect when I was so sure something was going wrong. So why would it be any different this time? 

I wish I could stop this nonsense. 
And trying not to worry..... yeah. Doesn't work.

New things going to happen this week

The big things happening this week in order:

1) Mimi is leaving Las Vegas to go back home to PA today. We told Kayla and Caden yesterday so that they wouldn't feel too much of a whiplash today. They will miss her for sure. Mimi definitely could NOT have been here at any more of a better time even if we tried. She was here for Kayla's 4th Birthday, and for the days of discovering our pregnancy, and a the first few weeks of this pregnancy. She got to see 2 ultrasounds.  I know this time has been crazy and hectic and exhausting, but glad we have this memory.

2) Tomorrow Kayla starts her first day of pre-school. I know how I feel about this.... but not sure how I will feel about all this when I drop her off. She needs this. She is 4 years old but her intelligence level is that of at least a 1st grader...maybe higher. She needs the challenge on a social level. She needs to break away from me a little bit. She is bored at home and I kind of worry that after a while she might be bored at school because she already knows everything that will be taught to her. Im not kidding when I say she on the level of AT LEAST a 1st grader or higher. However, I think the fact that she will be around new adults and lots of children her age will be good for her. She needs some independence. BUT, when I go to take her in, let go of her hand, and walk out leaving her with strangers, leaving her without a parent or well known family friend...that might be hard on me. But I will get over it. I just dont know how we reached this age and milestone so quickly.

3) Tomorrow I will be 10 weeks 2 days pregnant. Time for the week's belly shots tomorrow. I think I have a little more belly this week. But the symptoms are close to none minus the exception of still having bizarre dreams. I will spare you from the details. Exactly one week from today is our 12 week scan. Its a few days ahead of being 12 weeks because we are requesting a certain midwife and I had to take the last open appointment she had. It cant come soon enough. If all is ok and healthy I would like to start running again.

Over the weekend I discovered I really like James Patterson books. Its Tuesday and Im on my 2nd book. The first was Sam's Letters To Jennifer.

(look at the belly!)

9 weeks 2 days pictures and 9w5d symptoms

This was 2 days ago. I was very bloated and on the verge of being sick at the time the pictures were taken.

Tomorrow is the last day in our 9th week. I'm feeling a little more pregnant than I had been previously. I cant get over the belly that I have. This morning I noticed that the firmness is a tad higher than it has been. The past 2 days WEIRD dreams. Really weird random stuff that makes no sense. I feel sick if I let my stomach get too empty. And when I reach the point of I know I have to eat to feel better, it's too late. The thought of anything edible disgusts me. My shorts no longer fit, period. My favorite pair of denim short (the ones Im wearing in my blog header picture) I can no longer button so I been wearing a Be Band over them but even that is getting to the point of being too uncomfortable to. My other favorite pair of denim shorts I cant even zipper up so even the Be Band doesn't work. My favorite Aeropostale shirts....forget it. Cant even get them up to my hips. And those at one point were too big for me. I'm getting to the point of every single shirt I put on, I just look fat. Im not far along enough to clearly look pregnant....I just look like a girl who could manage to lose 10 pounds. And that is hard to accept because I have worked YEARS to have a nice flat belly. I just want to get over this looking fat phase and look pregnant so I clearly have a reason to have a larger belly.

Long gone (for a while but not permanently) are my size 4 and 5 shorts.

Yet, I have only gained 3 pounds.

Since this is Las Vegas and we still have September in the 90's, and October in the 80's and November in the 70's, I bought a pair of size small maternity denim shorts today at the thrift store. It was half price day so I only paid $1.50 for them.

In a few days we will take some 10 week belly shots. We reach 10 weeks on Monday....so tomorrow is our last day in the 9th week. We will be upgraded from olive size to prune size.

(The shorts in the below pictures I am wearing are done for as well. Goodbye for now size 4! See you next spring!)