When Pooh Bear got his wings

2 years ago today, Pooh Bear got hurt. I have avoided blogging the past couple weeks because I knew this post was coming. But I need to just create his memory here and relive it all long enough to make his post to live here forever.

It was a Sunday. Mom and kids went shopping at Sam's club to get things for the house we were moving into. Towels, some groceries. Dad was working the Air Show that morning and got back to our hotel room in TLF before us. Pooh Bear went to jump from the bed and Dad heard what he believes is a PB crash into the dresser drawer that always come out on its own. He came wobbling out of the bedroom and slowly but surely he declined from there. By the end of the day, he couldn't walk. He couldn't get up. He couldn't roll over. It was like he was paralyzed.

He was uncomfortable so Mom tried to move him to our bed. He kept looking up at it and meowing and huffing and puffing and giving out sighs. But he wasn't comfortable up on our bed either. Mom and Dad knew what our hearts were not ready for.

I set up a sleeping place for PB and I on the floor next to the bed and I knew it was our last night. He layed against my legs all night long. He couldn't move, so at our normal time that we got up to have a potty break together, Mom and Dad moved him to his liter box and held him up in it go potty. He didnt go. He was awake all night and couldnt get comfortable enough at all to sleep. He was in pain.

Dad was due to leave early the next morning TDY so that morning he has to say goodbye to PB forever. I needed PB to pur just one more time. And he did.

When the kids woke up, I brought PB out to the living room on a blanket so he could be with us. I also had to wash the bedding we were sleeping on because he had a pee accident on the one we were on. He couldnt get up to use the box.

He knew it was it. He was saying his goodbyes to Kayla and Caden. Now that I look back and remember, he was absolutely saying his goodbyes. The kids knew he was hurt, but didnt know hat he might not come home. I couldnt break that to them then. It was a rainy morning. I took the kids to the bus stop while PB waited in the car with Carly. Caden cried over seeing PB hurt.

We drove PB to the hospital. I knew it was his last drive. I will never forget. It was sunny but raining. On the radio came the old song, Its a good day to be alive. To this day, I cant listen to that song. It was like the universe knew and was trying to tell me.

I had to drop off PB for a couple hours. Longest hours of my life. We went back to TLF and waited by the phone. Around 10 am or so I got the call that I knew was going to happen. Not good.

I called the Dad to make sure he was sure about this decision. Although there really was no choice to make. This was the only thing we could do to free him of his pain.

I made the awful drive back to the hospital with Carly to see my bear. He kept reaching his paw out to Carly a few times when she was near.

I spent time with him that I will never forget. He was happy to see me, although he never did pur. He layed on the table, cuddling my arm, my hand. Pushing his nose into my hand more times than he ever had ever before. His eyes were not the same. His soul was not the same.  Ugh gosh this break my heart. I hate reliving this moment. I hate this. But I have to get this documented and saved here so its here forever.


A nice lady came in and took Carly out of the room.
The doctor shaved hair from his leg, which he was not happy about at all. He was quite mad but I try to not remember this part. Then in the IV went. I didnt watch this. I had my arms around him, his paw draped over my arm and my head was down. Once he was calm, I told him Goodnight Pooh Bear.
I put my head back down as to not watch this next step. In went some medicine to make him fall asleep. His was fell off my arm. In went the overdose of morphine and within seconds it was done. I picked my head up and watched the doctor listen for his heart and at the time I always remember him saying "Hes gone." I just lost myself at this point. This doctor told the nurse to give me some time alone with him and I begged her not to leave me. I didnt want to be alone. The last thing I wanted was to be alone. I cant even begin to describe the pain I had. I couldnt breathe. I couldnt believe it.

Oh I hate this. I hate reliving this. I do it enough in my mind.

I cuddled him. I closed his eyes. Spent about 15 minutes with him before I could regain myself enough to drive home.

I called Dad as soon as I got to the car. We cried. I got him and didnt know how to tell the kids. I didnt know how to explain to Carly. I didnt know what to do. I couldnt look at his food. His bowls. His litter box. The blankets. His toys. I couldnt do it.

The maid came in and I couldnt even speak. I asked her to take the litter out of the room.

I picked up the kids from school and when we got to the car I had to tell them because they were asking. I had to tell them "Pooh Bear didnt make it" and  Kayla shrieked "He died?" I had to say Yes. Caden was silent. No crying. No screaming. It was like he was in disbelief or he already knew. Kayla cried hard.

2 years ago today he got hurt. 2 years ago tomorrow he gained his wings.